Two, Two, Two lunches in One.
Day One, Week One
I woke up extremely tired today. I had a soda around 11pm last night and it totally kept me awake. I’m not even sure what time I finally fell asleep but when my alarm went off I cursed Monday and Diet Dr. Pepper with as much energy as I could muster and then hit the snooze twice before finally staggering out of bed. Sweet sleep why must you elude me when all I’ve done is cherish you? I feel like I’ve been walking in a fog all day and everyone at work has been commenting on how tired I look (ie: I look like crap). I did feel very smug and proud that I had packed my breakfast and lunch the night before so if I did wake up late I would still have a healthy breakfast and dinner.
I started the day off strong and with furious determination but by lunch time I was being consumed by fear. I ate my breakfast at around 8 and by 11:30 I was starving. Not sure why since I had a pretty filling breakfast. I could think of nothing else but food so I apprehensively ate my lunch early although typically I don’t eat lunch until around 1pm. This worried me. What if I’ve been eating so much that my body doesn’t want to be full on the smaller portions and I binge.
Then my worst fear came to fruition. It was 3:30 and I’m minding my own business, taking notes off a stupid webex seminar and trying not to pass out from the boredom. It was mind numbing work and I needed a break. I decided that I would go get my orange and string cheese and have a snack and a little break. Well I go to the kitchen, open the refrigerator and instantly panic. I can’t get to my orange or string cheese because blocking them is a huge Greek salad from Panera bread and several left over Panera bread sandwiches. I probably thought about it for about 2 seconds before I grab 2 half sized smoked turkey sandwiches and serve myself a huge salad piled high with feta cheese, black olives and with delicious oily dressing. I quickly buy another Diet Pepsi Max and consume everything at my desk in a matter of minutes. I’m afraid that somebody who saw me eating my regular healthy lunch will now see me eating a second lunch and think I’m disgusting so I scarf it down. I don’t even taste the sandwiches and as I finish the salad I realize that the dressing is way to tart and not that good. Shit! What have I done? Even as the shame washes over me I consider grabbing another half roast beef sandwich. What the hell is wrong with me? I start to get stressed and my brain knows that a chocolate candy bar will make me feel better. I think about running to the store down stairs in the building and getting one. I quickly snap out of it my slapping myself pretty hard on each cheek. OK, I fu*cked up but I’m not going to let this be the end of the beginning. I just have to get up dust myself off and keep going. No one said this was going to be easy and day one pretty much humbled me.
After work all I wanted was to take a long nap. Being unconscious would surely get rid of my anxiety and stress but I resisit the urge. I try to muster up the strength to get on my treadmill but I only get as far as clearing off all the clothes. My roommate/best friend L makes frittata for dinner and I join her. I didn’t want to eat dinner to make up for my slip up but I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll just over eat in the morning because I’ll be starving. That McD’s drive-thru is really tempting when you’re hungry and rushed for time and a glutton for punishment. Then my roommate and I go for a 20 minute walk after dinner. I feel good since it's more physical activity then I have done all winter. I feel like my body has slowly atrophied with this never ending cold weather. I'm glad L is willing to walk with me. She’s also trying to be healthier and get fit. It’s kind of annoying because she's tiny and weighs around 120lbs. I try not to be jealous of her but it can be so hard. Isn’t jealousy one of the deadly sins? So far I can cross off gluttony and jealousy. Geez, I need to change my wicked ways.
Breakfast (8AM): 1 egg, 1 ¼ cup Kellogg Healthy Heart cereal, 1 cup of 1% milk, ½ a banana, 1 cup coffee black with Splenda.
Lunch (11:30): ham sandwich on whole wheat with light cheddar cheese, light mayo, spicy mustard, tomato and lettuce, 1 ½ ounces of salted pretzels and a diet Pepsi Max.
2nd Lunch (3:30): Panera bread smoked turkey sandwich, 1 ½ cups of Greek salad and 3 tablespoons dressing. (This sucks!)
Dinner (6 pm): Small serving of Frittata with sausage, hashbrowns, cheese and egg and a buttery roll (yummy and evil) and water.
Evening Snack (9:30pm): peperonni lean cuisine and water.
Total Calories: 2,942. My daily recommended calories are 1,888. I was over my 1,054 calories (Yikes!).
Exercise: 20 minute walk after dinner.
Notes: Today kicked my ass. I must figure out a way to say NO to unplanned food. There is always food at work but that doesn’t mean I have to eat it. NO means NO and I need to accept that.
I woke up extremely tired today. I had a soda around 11pm last night and it totally kept me awake. I’m not even sure what time I finally fell asleep but when my alarm went off I cursed Monday and Diet Dr. Pepper with as much energy as I could muster and then hit the snooze twice before finally staggering out of bed. Sweet sleep why must you elude me when all I’ve done is cherish you? I feel like I’ve been walking in a fog all day and everyone at work has been commenting on how tired I look (ie: I look like crap). I did feel very smug and proud that I had packed my breakfast and lunch the night before so if I did wake up late I would still have a healthy breakfast and dinner.
I started the day off strong and with furious determination but by lunch time I was being consumed by fear. I ate my breakfast at around 8 and by 11:30 I was starving. Not sure why since I had a pretty filling breakfast. I could think of nothing else but food so I apprehensively ate my lunch early although typically I don’t eat lunch until around 1pm. This worried me. What if I’ve been eating so much that my body doesn’t want to be full on the smaller portions and I binge.
Then my worst fear came to fruition. It was 3:30 and I’m minding my own business, taking notes off a stupid webex seminar and trying not to pass out from the boredom. It was mind numbing work and I needed a break. I decided that I would go get my orange and string cheese and have a snack and a little break. Well I go to the kitchen, open the refrigerator and instantly panic. I can’t get to my orange or string cheese because blocking them is a huge Greek salad from Panera bread and several left over Panera bread sandwiches. I probably thought about it for about 2 seconds before I grab 2 half sized smoked turkey sandwiches and serve myself a huge salad piled high with feta cheese, black olives and with delicious oily dressing. I quickly buy another Diet Pepsi Max and consume everything at my desk in a matter of minutes. I’m afraid that somebody who saw me eating my regular healthy lunch will now see me eating a second lunch and think I’m disgusting so I scarf it down. I don’t even taste the sandwiches and as I finish the salad I realize that the dressing is way to tart and not that good. Shit! What have I done? Even as the shame washes over me I consider grabbing another half roast beef sandwich. What the hell is wrong with me? I start to get stressed and my brain knows that a chocolate candy bar will make me feel better. I think about running to the store down stairs in the building and getting one. I quickly snap out of it my slapping myself pretty hard on each cheek. OK, I fu*cked up but I’m not going to let this be the end of the beginning. I just have to get up dust myself off and keep going. No one said this was going to be easy and day one pretty much humbled me.
After work all I wanted was to take a long nap. Being unconscious would surely get rid of my anxiety and stress but I resisit the urge. I try to muster up the strength to get on my treadmill but I only get as far as clearing off all the clothes. My roommate/best friend L makes frittata for dinner and I join her. I didn’t want to eat dinner to make up for my slip up but I’m afraid if I don’t I’ll just over eat in the morning because I’ll be starving. That McD’s drive-thru is really tempting when you’re hungry and rushed for time and a glutton for punishment. Then my roommate and I go for a 20 minute walk after dinner. I feel good since it's more physical activity then I have done all winter. I feel like my body has slowly atrophied with this never ending cold weather. I'm glad L is willing to walk with me. She’s also trying to be healthier and get fit. It’s kind of annoying because she's tiny and weighs around 120lbs. I try not to be jealous of her but it can be so hard. Isn’t jealousy one of the deadly sins? So far I can cross off gluttony and jealousy. Geez, I need to change my wicked ways.
Breakfast (8AM): 1 egg, 1 ¼ cup Kellogg Healthy Heart cereal, 1 cup of 1% milk, ½ a banana, 1 cup coffee black with Splenda.
Lunch (11:30): ham sandwich on whole wheat with light cheddar cheese, light mayo, spicy mustard, tomato and lettuce, 1 ½ ounces of salted pretzels and a diet Pepsi Max.
2nd Lunch (3:30): Panera bread smoked turkey sandwich, 1 ½ cups of Greek salad and 3 tablespoons dressing. (This sucks!)
Dinner (6 pm): Small serving of Frittata with sausage, hashbrowns, cheese and egg and a buttery roll (yummy and evil) and water.
Evening Snack (9:30pm): peperonni lean cuisine and water.
Total Calories: 2,942. My daily recommended calories are 1,888. I was over my 1,054 calories (Yikes!).
Exercise: 20 minute walk after dinner.
Notes: Today kicked my ass. I must figure out a way to say NO to unplanned food. There is always food at work but that doesn’t mean I have to eat it. NO means NO and I need to accept that.
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