Boy Drama and Weigh in #1 in 2010
Ugh, this weekend was utterly horrible food wise. It’s almost as if Friday night I got “healthy lifestyle” amnesia. I slipped back to my old ways. No, I not only slipped but I fell and tumbled down the hill on my butt and then banged my head on a rock before landing in a vat of butter.
Not really sure what happened or even why. I guess that’s the problem. When I get in this mode I don’t really try to analyze where it’s coming from. I just do what it says and stuff my face with food. I really need to stop and think or maybe write down what I’m thinking at the time.
So Saturday night as I lay in bed in a food coma, I really tried to figure out what the issue was and why I was eating like food was going out of style. It’s the only way I could think of stopping this vicious cycle and honestly I don’t know how much longer the button on my favorite jeans can hold. I picture it popping off and flying across the room and taking out my little dog.
It got so bad in fact that I almost went out to the garage and hauled back inside my donation pile that included various “fat pants” that only a few months ago had been way to big and caused saggy butt syndrome. I had finally decided to get rid of my fat pants and now 2 months later I was almost ready to give up and pull them back on. It almost made me want to cry.
So as I thought about it more and more I was able to figure out that I was stressing out about a boy I like. The very boy that I want to wear my favorite cute jeans for was causing me to slowly fit into my fat pants again. Well not him per say but more my insecurity about us. I’ve been seeing him since November and although I really like him it’s hard to get together often because of his work schedule. He’s a workaholic which seems to be his only vice that I can see so far because he’s good-looking, intelligent, funny, charming, family oriented and successful. The more I learn about him, the more I feel like he’s way out of my league. So mix my stupid girl insecurity with his busy schedule and it can mess with my brain. He’s particularly bad about calling me and because I don’t want to be the needy, clingy girl I don’t call him either. So we don’t talk to each other much on the phone and generally text once during the week to make plans when we can see each other. So because we don’t talk a lot when I’m not with him I wonder if he really likes me. When I’m with him I have no question because he’s great. He’s warm and charming and compliments me and is affectionate and makes me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the world. But when we’re not together my annoying inner voice starts to get the better of me. Yet again because I don’t want to be “that” girl and be demanding and clingy I don’t bring up the fact that it bothers me that he doesn’t call me during the week.
On Sunday I actually had plans with him and boy was I surprised when he brought up the fact that we don’t call each other often enough. He asked me why I didn’t call him more and I pointed out that he didn’t call me either. So he stopped and thought about it and reluctantly had to agree. So he said we need to fix that. He's like "if I'm bad about calling you and you're bad about calling me then we'll never talk to each other." He promised he would call me more and I told him I would do the same. Simple enough. All that food consumed for no good reason. I really need to stop being my own worst critic. How can I trust that anyone likes me when I don’t act like I like myself. I’m so harsh and critical of myself. I need to love me and be kind to myself. I would never say to a friend that kind of things I say about myself. No more I say, NO MORE!!!!! I will treat myself well and respect myself and love myself because I deserve it.
Needless to say that I did not want to weight in this week after my weekend free for all. I was convinced that I had somehow managed to gain another 10lbs. I was completely shocked when I saw that I actually lost. Eating well Monday through Thursday and hitting the gym 4 times last week must have off set my horrible weekend eating.
Starting Weight: 233
Weight last Week: 220.4
Weight this week: 218 (-2.4)
Total pounds lost: 15lbs
Not really sure what happened or even why. I guess that’s the problem. When I get in this mode I don’t really try to analyze where it’s coming from. I just do what it says and stuff my face with food. I really need to stop and think or maybe write down what I’m thinking at the time.
So Saturday night as I lay in bed in a food coma, I really tried to figure out what the issue was and why I was eating like food was going out of style. It’s the only way I could think of stopping this vicious cycle and honestly I don’t know how much longer the button on my favorite jeans can hold. I picture it popping off and flying across the room and taking out my little dog.
It got so bad in fact that I almost went out to the garage and hauled back inside my donation pile that included various “fat pants” that only a few months ago had been way to big and caused saggy butt syndrome. I had finally decided to get rid of my fat pants and now 2 months later I was almost ready to give up and pull them back on. It almost made me want to cry.
So as I thought about it more and more I was able to figure out that I was stressing out about a boy I like. The very boy that I want to wear my favorite cute jeans for was causing me to slowly fit into my fat pants again. Well not him per say but more my insecurity about us. I’ve been seeing him since November and although I really like him it’s hard to get together often because of his work schedule. He’s a workaholic which seems to be his only vice that I can see so far because he’s good-looking, intelligent, funny, charming, family oriented and successful. The more I learn about him, the more I feel like he’s way out of my league. So mix my stupid girl insecurity with his busy schedule and it can mess with my brain. He’s particularly bad about calling me and because I don’t want to be the needy, clingy girl I don’t call him either. So we don’t talk to each other much on the phone and generally text once during the week to make plans when we can see each other. So because we don’t talk a lot when I’m not with him I wonder if he really likes me. When I’m with him I have no question because he’s great. He’s warm and charming and compliments me and is affectionate and makes me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the world. But when we’re not together my annoying inner voice starts to get the better of me. Yet again because I don’t want to be “that” girl and be demanding and clingy I don’t bring up the fact that it bothers me that he doesn’t call me during the week.
On Sunday I actually had plans with him and boy was I surprised when he brought up the fact that we don’t call each other often enough. He asked me why I didn’t call him more and I pointed out that he didn’t call me either. So he stopped and thought about it and reluctantly had to agree. So he said we need to fix that. He's like "if I'm bad about calling you and you're bad about calling me then we'll never talk to each other." He promised he would call me more and I told him I would do the same. Simple enough. All that food consumed for no good reason. I really need to stop being my own worst critic. How can I trust that anyone likes me when I don’t act like I like myself. I’m so harsh and critical of myself. I need to love me and be kind to myself. I would never say to a friend that kind of things I say about myself. No more I say, NO MORE!!!!! I will treat myself well and respect myself and love myself because I deserve it.
Needless to say that I did not want to weight in this week after my weekend free for all. I was convinced that I had somehow managed to gain another 10lbs. I was completely shocked when I saw that I actually lost. Eating well Monday through Thursday and hitting the gym 4 times last week must have off set my horrible weekend eating.
Starting Weight: 233
Weight last Week: 220.4
Weight this week: 218 (-2.4)
Total pounds lost: 15lbs
Comments
And stop being such a girl - the boy obviously likes you. Have fun with it - don't stress about it ;o)